So, the surgery I had 3 weeks ago went really well. 6 more little incisions on my stomach (there goes my oh so promising career as a bikini model). I expecting it not to be fun at all but it really wasn't that bad. I think it must have been a gift from God because I just wasn't up for another month of nonsense. They took a good look, and they actually found something. Severe endometriosis. What? You mean, you can see it? They had to print me out a picture to prove it. Am I sad? no, not really. Relieved is probably a better word. Validated, even.
I have have a friend who suffers daily, hourly from it. Endo owes her about 20 years of her life. So much pain. So unfair. She could have thrown in the towel so many times but she held on to have those babies and I wonder if they will ever know how much she went through just to bring them here. She has been such a great source of strength and understanding through all of this because she knows chronic illness. She knows pain like no one I've ever met.
I'm very lucky and don't think I have endo all that bad. Doc says no matter what stage of it you have, it doesn't necessarily correlate with how bad you hurt. I only really hurt one day a month (at most, sometimes not even that) - that's it. Now that day is bad, horrible, horrific, makes me scream bloody murder and make sounds I didn't think any human ever could....but it is just one day.
Now - is this all a coincidence? Are all of these random little health problems related? They have to be. I don't care what anyone says - the everything in the body is connected and when the central nervous system begins malfunctioning it forgets to tell other parts of the body how to act properly. That jaw problem that lead to that massive surgery? 12 (YES 12) cavities since I've been sick? Blood pressusre 60/40? i could go on but that is not the point I want to make. It's all related and oh how wonderful the day will be when they finally put all the puzzle pieces together and figure it out.
And I'm very lucky that with yearly surgery, and those blasted birth control pills should keep me primed and ready to fertilize when the time is right. (but sooner than later). That was really good news for me to hear. Should I have heard the 'we have to take it all out,' then well, yeah, that would just have been about more than I could handle. Not that. Anything but that. This illness can take whatever it wants just not that.
Now let me vent on the healthcare system for just a moment. please. indulge me. When I was declared legally disabled, which was such a blessing that I was on only the first try (CFS usually gets laughed at), I was told that I would qualify for Medicare (health insurance for over 65 and disabled). YEAH!!! Wait. After TWO YEARS. what? I thought it was a joke. Nope, you can't get your benefits until you wait for two years. Poor people! What is everyone suppose to do? I mean, those far far far worse off than I? Spend your entire savings on one trip to the hospital. So sad. Anyway, that was a long and hopeless two years but I finally got my medicare and could finally go see some docs and hope to get this thing figured out.
So, Medicare does not cover any type of birth control pills. I mean, okay, the elderly ain't exactly looking to breed, I get it, but what about the rest of us. Okay, moving on. I can live with it. Because I am kind of poor, okay I fall in the poverty-stricken bracket (but I live a very good life, I promise) I qualify for Medicaid as my secondary insurance. Hey, I'll take it. I called them today and was informed that Medicaid does not cover any type of birth control, either. WHAT? seriously? So let me get this straight, I can get pregnant every 9 months and have all of my medical expenses covered at 100%, I can even go to the er every single day but I can't get a pack of birth control pills? Sorry, I just don't see the logic, people. Oh how much I am learning about what it is like to be poor, wanting to better your situation so badly and work, and just can't.
So I say what the hey how much can these things be, right? Well, some of the ones we have tried have made me sick but we found one that I did really well on. It's 100 bucks a month. eish. people the government gives me $641 a month (for rent, food, everything), and although I am so grateful for it, 100 bones of can't go to birth control pills. I called the insurance company who told me to call the pharmacist, I called the pharmacist who told me call the doctor, and I called the doctor who told me to call the pharmacist, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see why people just give up. Why they go to a very dark place in their mind and go home and give up. And give up everyday for the next 30 years. It's too much. Why is it so hard to be part of the system and still get the help that any human deserves. I promise I worked hard. I promise I tried to get to a place where I could provide for myself. I really did. And so have so many others.
on a cuter note, here is woodrow and i the day after my surgery. bless his heart. he always takes it so hard whenever I get hurt. He even stopped eating after my jaw surgery. Anyway, I tried to look at the camera and smile but then I had quite the double chin so I chose to do the dramatic look away.
oh, and a cute little story about that wooly thing he is laying on. I now drive what used to be my grandparents car and my grandpa put that little strap cushion on the passenger's side seat belt to make rides more comfortable for Norma. Such a typical little act of how he would treat her like a Queen. It makes me smile everytime I look at it so it is staying right where it is.
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