I was listening to a photography conference and someone raised their hand and asked the speaker, 'how do you deal with those close to you who give off negativity concerning you not attaining success as soon as they think you should?  (i add their idea of success)? whew.  I could relate to this question.

This was asked as the photographer was telling the story of how she had woken up one day and realized that she wasn't happy and only she could do something about that. And then she did something that took serious, serious, balls.  She acted on it.  She didn't just put it off, she didn't just make excuses, she got up and did something about it.  For her, she realized she needed to start completely over and move, change everything.  big move.  Now that was what she felt she needed to do and she clearly stated that to each their own on this but she sold nearly everything she had and moved to a new city.  A year later she was happier than she had ever been.

How many of these realizations are never acted upon due to fear?  True, scary, uncomfortable fear.

For me, today, I am 22 days from my big move to Austin.  It's scary as hell but so so exciting.  I kind of went through a similar experience that she had and realized things had to change, and I was the one that had to change them. Yeah, I could blame the whole 'i'm too sick' thing, and that is a really good excuse that I could ride for quite a while, but it's time to move on, sick and all.  Am I well enough for this move?  Not really, but it will be okay.  Sometimes the juice is worth the squeeze.  Do I have enough money for this move?  Just. Barely.  But it will be okay. Sometimes the price is worth the prize. I have enough weddings lined up to pay my rent and eat through May and for that I'm thankful.  Will I ever regret this?  Not a chance.  I could end up hating the city (though highly unlikely), but this huge risk I'm taking will be one of the best things I'll ever do.

This photographer ended her lecture with a huge question.

If you are not doing what you love, why not?

                                   

Charlie's Turn

How I wish I could have taken the pain from my sweet little boy.  I warn you this will probably sound more dramatic than it really was but for me, it was awful, it was watching my baby boy getting eaten while he screamed for me.  told you so.

Charles Woodrow and I were out for one of our walks almost two weeks ago, I was too tired for the mountains that night so we just headed out in the neighborhood, doing our usual route.  He was on leash, and we just trotted along on the sidewalk, peeing on almost any surface that stands still (he gets very particular about which mailbox and bush are in need).

We walked in front of one house and noticed a big black dog was outside, just roaming around.  A little voice to me said cross the street but how good am I listening to that voice?? I"LL BE BETTER, I PROMISE!  The owner was out and we walked on.  I asked her the dog's name and she replied, 'Daisy.' Oh that's a cute name, I thought - must be a sweet dog.  I asked if I could pet her and she said yes.  I reached out to pet her with Charlie on his leash in my other hand and I noticed the hair on her back was sticking straight up like a mowhawk. I had heard that this was a sign of attack and so I reached out to grab her collar and off she went - except it wasn't on me, it was on my little man. 
She was relentless, at one point had both his back legs in her mouth. I tried so hard to get in there and break it up, but I actually think I froze...why on earth did I freeze?  I at least could have let go of his leash so he could have run but I gripped hard on that and he was stuck.  He was screaming and screaming and I finally got my hands on Daisy and she slipped right through them and went at him again.  Everyone says I'm so lucky that I didn't get bit but I would have gladly taken those bites for my Woodrow.  I am much bigger and much beefier! 

When she realized Charlie wasn't going to fight back she stopped, honestly this all couldn't have lasted more than 5 seconds, and then Charlie took off, right into 30 mph traffic which he luckily missed, limping, blood trailing behind him.  I managed to chase him down, but he wouldn't stop.  So I just sat in the grass and he limped over to me. 

I carried back over to Daisy's house (she had been put up) and the owner was actually the owner's girlfriend and she swore that Daisy had never attacked another dog before.  She called owner, he drove up, was really nice but again stated that the dog had never done anything like this.  I tried to be really nice, and really calm and after they offered to pay for any vet bills needed, I said I had best get him home.  I carried him home about a mile with him screaming at every place I tried to get a hold of him and the sidewalk dripping blood.

I immediately lost it - had no idea I would do that.  I made it home, handed him over to my mom the nurse and literally lost it on the floor.  I just kept thinking that there had to be a way I could have gotten in there and broken this up earlier, or gotten control of Daisy, etc.  At that point I only that he had been bitten a couple of times but as we got a better look at him, we started counting - and counting.  14.  14 huge punctures.  We found an er after hours vet and off we went.  All he wanted to do was sit in my lap - he was so quiet and so still...AND SAD!  How could something do this to such a sweet creature.



The vet had to measure how deep each puncture was by sticking a metal rod in - he was screaming - I couldn't handle it.  How on earth am I ever going to take a child to get their shots!!  The vet gave him a huge morphine shot and within 20 minutes and after throwing up over and over again), he was loose as a goose and on quite a high.  They took him back to shave and wash all of his wounds and luckily didn't feel a thing.

Being a gentlemen with his paws crossed waiting for the vet.

 

head bite - the deepest one

 

head and back

his poor swollen legs



We were sent home with massive pain pills and antibiotics and were told to let him rest and bring him back in a few days.  The vet said he was one lucky dog to be alive and that was probably due to the fact that he didn't fight back.  I always say Charlie just doesn't bite. And he doesn't.  Not even during this.  With seven bites on his back legs, he was also really lucky he didn't even snap a back leg.

We went home for a long night.  He was out of it for most of it but he just kept drooling and drooling and drooling through towel after towel.  He laid on my chest and I counted his breaths through most of the night.  Hey, like I could sleep.



The next day his ears perked up quite a bit and as long as I was on top of his meds, he really was doing pretty well.  I took him back after a few days and the vet was amazed at his progress.  We went straight up to the mountain for him to sniff around in and I knew we were over our most traumatic event yet (and hopefully ever!) On our way home we got his favorite, an Arby's sandwich.  He has had quite a few of those lately.

 getting loved on from grandma, he's been very timid lately.

Now comes the issue of Daisy.  Miss Daisy is a pittbull and I know, they have a bad rep.  With all of my photo work at the shelters, I have met some really great pitts and didn't want to become one of those people that ordered them all to die.  I knew if I did report her, well - it definitely wouldn't be a good thing and I tried to put myself in the owner's shoes.  So we went and had a chat.  Daisy was acting all sweet and licking my toes and looking pathetic.  The owner was really surprised becasue she had tried to go after another dog the next day and so she was being shipped off to training with a group of other dogs for a month to see if she can even handle being around dogs anymore.  Or, you know, you could keep her on a leash or in the backyard - there's an idea.  So we left it at that.



 

Days go by and as I am out walking Charlie (not on that street, though), neighbors who had seen the fight were coming up to me and telling me their Daisy stories.  Apparentely, the owner had lied about her having attacked other dogs before and she had put a dog in the animal hospital just two months earlier.  and then more before that.  So, now I need to call animal patrol.  If they already have a file on her, well, then - that's a big problem.  But there are kids always out playing and so many little furry friends that I would hate myself if this happened again because I didn't do anything about it.

 

 Looking for squirrels, a favorite pastime.

 

So that is that - he is almost back to his old self, just really scared around other dogs and even people.  I've learned quite a bit through this - one, just how attached I am to my little medicine man, as I call him.  I realize he is 'just a dog' but then again, he is all that good buddy should be, and his loyalty is unlike anything I've ever seen.  I also learned that yes, prayers are answered even for our furry friends and how many more are out there needing our prayers tonight.  And for heaven sakes when the voice speaks people, listen!



I did a bad, bad thing.

I did it. again.  I was old Laurie this past week and it who knows how much damage I did. 
My little job needs me six more weeks and well, I need the dough.  In order to stay, however, I needed to pop back to Texas and hammer out a bunch of photoshoots that I had had scheduled for a while now - I was supposed to be moved back by then and would have had plenty of time to do them.  'Oh, I can pop those out, plus 3 doctors appointments, and a trip to Austin, in four days -  yeah, I could do that,' I thought.

Wrong. Big fat WRONG.  This would have been a lot for old Laurie - and that woman could do about anything.  Or at least she tried to.  The first problem with new Laurie traveling is procrastination.  I always have too much to do the night before I leave.  There are pictures to edit and cd's to burn to be sent out to clients, there are hounds to square away, laundry to do, and then there is that whole packing thing. 

I started my trip on Wednesday on a good hour and a half sleep.  To most people, that is equivalent to about 2 nights in a row of no sleep.  Numbing.  Scary.  Not good.  I arrived in Dallas and was swept off to lunch with my dad and Holly.  Two hours later I managed to make a good decision, one that came with guilt, yet wisdom. I said no.  I wanted to visit Sam, a dear 95 year old buddy, and had the time to do so, and even someone to drive me, but I just couldn't do it. I hate for him to see me that bad, anyway.

I went to my dads and went off to get a haircut.  A little salon in a tiny Texas town and they gave me the bill for $75!! For a haircut - that is all!  Then I headed to the grocery store (pop had nothing but expired yogurt and an orange in his fride.  I came back and crashed. 

The next morning - I dropped my sister off at the airport, hit up 3 doctors appoinments (me being deemed still a mystery), finally made it to Sam's, and then home to a 3 hour photoshoot with a pregnant couple and their wild bulldog.  I was hot, weak, sweaty and decided to hit the pool at midnight.  Only think I could find was a too-tiny bikini in my sister's drawer and thus, in the safe darkness, I worked that tiny piece of fabric.  I always feel so much less sick in the water.

The next morning was a bad decision.  I had been made aware of a dog rescue that desperately needed help with photographing their dogs.  Why I thought I would have it in me to to hammer this one out, too, is beyond me.  Time does not equal ability, people.  What a sad sight it was, a big room with 50 dog piled in cage on top of cage who would erupt in barking everytime someone would enter.  We hashed it out, I was exhausted, the noise was deafening, and I left running late, stressed, and not in the right frame of mind for service. 

I sped down I-35 towards Austin - and well, it all hit the fan.  I had hit my wall and felt like I was going to pass out at every new little town.  Each time I thought, what would happen, what would happen if I pulled over, checked in a little motel, and just slept.  What would happen if I didn't meet that woman to pick up a lens I had bought used, or even worse, what would happen if I bailed on my couple getting married in December that had to have engagement pictures taken right away.  Life would have continued, I wouldn't have been putting myself and other on the road in danger, and the World would not have come to an end.  Yet on I drove, blasting loud music and cold air, and did what I had signed myself up for.  I did as I was supposed to yet failed the test miserabley.

After the shoot, I stopped at Walgreens to get eye makeup remover - I could not get this mascara off from under my eyes.  Despite my efforts - the mascara had been gone for days - those dark circles were just me.  The next morning - I met my roomate at 8:30 (only time she could meet - 'no problem!" I obliged).  Then I drove by my new apartment (felt like home), and headed back for an hour nap.

Then I drove back to Dallas, met up with a few friends who announced they had never seen me so bad, that my eyes were swollen and I couldn't stop shaking.  Then to shoot a wedding.  Yup - a wedding.  Luckily, it was a small one with only about 20 people (those are so great! So warm and intimate!) and four hours later I headed home, still on adrenaline.  Getting out of the car at my dad's was another story - it had all hit.  I could barely walk, every muscle had been pulled, and the room was spinning a bit.  I took a couple of hours to download pics, pack up, and went to bed.  A couple of hours later I woke up freezing, I could not get enough blankets on top of me - yep, weird mid-night fever had hit yet again.  Then the hands started going numb.  About 4am I woke up drenched in sweat.  Is this normal. no.  Is this my fault. yes.  Was it worth it.  hardly. 

I flew home and slept from 3pm - 10pm tonight.  Mom had to bring me food because I couldn't make it up the stairs.  Is this the worst suffering anyone has ever gone thru?  Hardly.  I may be a prisoner of my own body but I can walk, talk and think to my own accord when so many cannot.  That part is far from lost on me.  Does that make my behavior justified? Hardly.

Was I strong or brave enough to choose health, and well, me first this past week?  No.  And that's the sad part - I still haven't learned this great lesson the good Lord is trying to teach me.  School is still going to be in session for quite a while.

Loss.

The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." - Joseph B Wirthlin