Charles Woodrow, my sweet boy who saved me during these last difficult 8 years, became very very ill in October. He was gagging, coughing, gasping for air; we did every test we could think of, spent more money than I had, and the consensus was that it was cancer. I tried and tried to talk myself into the fact that I didn't need to do what I knew I needed to do but in the end, I just couldn't keep him around suffering, for me. I still wonder if I did the right thing at the right time, if I should have taken out a loan to save him, but it just wasn't what I felt I needed to do. The whole act of killing your dog seems so barbaric, yet as does making him suffer one more second than he had to. It just wasn't fair for him to be in so much pain.
Speaking of pain, what I would give to take my moms pain for her. I have tried to retain hope, tried to see past the reality, but from day one she was diagnosed I knew how this would end and whatever I can do to walk her to God in a more peaceful and pain-free manner, I will do anything to accomplish that. The transplant is off of the plate - her body just can't handle it and frankly, I think she is being spared to agony of it for a reason, it just wouldn't have changed the ending. She lives in a cycle of pain and panic and I pray everyday for patience and empathy to try and help with that. God bless this dear woman.
Life has been tough but I have felt so much love throughout this very trying process. I feel the Savior very close and know that it is a true gift from Him that we have mom with us still today; it is a christmas miracle.
