Corporate America

I took a little side job this summer to save money for Austin and it really was a blessing since I could most of it from my bed.  I worked for Intermountain Healthcare, working on data for their corporate office.  You may wonder why I haven't done this before.  Usually, you can never, ever take data out of the office.  Oh what the goverment will do to you. (such was the threat in some of my old jobs).

Anyhoo, this is really silly data.  It's not medical data, it's hospital administration data..  It's almost funny how much money they are putting into researching whether or not their nurses like v-neck scrub tops or round.  Thousands and thousands of dollors, people.  But hey, I'm not here to judge their cause - just send it over and let me code it from my bed.

I was all set to leave for Austin October 1st - wait, that tomorrow - crap!  I received a call last week that I was grateful for yet dreaded.  I was asked to stay and fill in for someone for a few more months.  It would be good money, and since I hadn't found a roomate/housing in Austin yet, it would give me some more time.  My boss is great and knows my situation, well - as much as I've told him which I doubt is complete, and suggested that we try having me come to the office for just 5 hours a day everyday this past week and see how it goes.

It went.  It was ugly.  I haven't felt this sick since Africa.  As far as workplace environments go, it really is great.  I love the people I work with, love the great conversations we have, and really am happy there.  But by Tuesday I could really walk normally and I knew this just wasn't going to work. 

To some, it may seem glamorous to work downtown in a tall building, and for me, on the first day I suppose it did.  I park about 4 blocks away in one of those garage things that goes up and up, around and around forever, and then walk and walk and walk, and then up the elevator 26 floors, signing in, getting a badge, yada yada yada.  Everyone else's body does it, my used to do it (and did it good) -  why can't mine now?
 
Luckily my grandma lives about 5 minutes away and I can go crash on her couch to get up the energy to drive home.  It has been a very good glimpse at what life would be like if I had to, absolutely had to do it everyday.  And I came to a conclusion, one that I come to everytime I try this, I can't.  I just can't.  My body literaly can't.  On that Friday, when I had made it, when I was numb and shaking and sore and looking pretty rough, I realized that even if they offered me a million dollars to work full time for just a year, I couldn't do.  I wouldn't even have to think about it.  It's not up  my will or my ability to suck it up or toughen it out - it is physically impossible and I had really best learn this lesson by now. 

It made me think about all of those around the World that might not have the luxury that I do to be able to say no and still eat, it made me think about the single mom's working 3 jobs.  bless them.  I can say no and better be grateful for that gift the Lord has given me.

Bye, Corporate America, bye 9-5's.  We just weren't right for each other. I've still got many lessons to learn that you just can't teach me.

My new hat

Don't I look beautiful???

I am in the slammer. They are doing a week long study of my brain (hah!) and thus I am strapped to a hospital bed. Oh this should interesting.

San jose

Sealed my grandparents together last night, woke up today and flew to their beloved San Jose. Their home has not changed in 30 years, the pond behind their house I used to run around is the exact same. Their little neighborhood they used to live in has been frozen in time, kept up beautifully and it brought back so many memories. Oh to be able to sneak back to 20 years and have one more happy day with them there. It was the most perfect place to be today, their first day together forever.


Grandma, I even fed your ducks.



And then I found this bench dedicated to a cute old couple and I say there. for a really long time

Why lady docs should maybe only be ladies. Or less creepy men.

Since when can you only be as well as your doctor's level of compassion?

I keep thinking this thought over and over in my head and know I need to realize that it isn't them that are going to cure me - only the Lord can do that with oh, the right time, for starters. 

Ready for another crazy doc story?  herewego.

Since they found all of that endometriosis in March they have put me on so much birth control that - (I was trying to think of a funny line to finish this sentence with but it's not coming - I'll spare you any attempt).  Anyway - too much b.c.  That stuff will make ya nuts. And big - real big.  At least that is what it does to me, has always done to me, and every time I get off of it I swear never again.  So we've changed types, dosages, etc, but seriously, that stuff just isn't good for me.

So I made an appt with an ob/gyn up here at the U, made sure all of my medical records were transferring, and waited a short 7 weeks for the first appointment available with the doctor I wanted's colleague who looked creepy from his picture on the internet.

I digress.  I wait 2 hours in my little exam room, luckily I brought a book to read so I wouldn't have to stare at those blasted posters on the wall one more minute, and waited. and waited.  He comes in, doesn't shake my hand, won't look me in the eyes and says, 'Who told you you have endo?" 'Um.. my old doctor in Dallas said I had stage 2-3.'  'I need proof,' he says.  Great - old doctor's office didn't send the records.  I try and explain more and he says, 'well, if you are telling the truth and you do have it, I'm going to give you a shot.'  I asked what kind of shot.  He casually replied the long name of it and said it is the best treatment for endo.  I asked for a little more info.  'Oh, you know, it works because it enduces menopause.'  huh?  'There will be hot flashes, mood swings and headaches for the first year but most women says that gets better with time.'  I kindly inquire if I would be able to ever get out of menopause and maybe have some babies one day (body willing).  'Um, maybe - but you'll definitely need the help of a fertility doctor to do that, after this shot.'  Um, yeah - let's not do that.  'I'm going to need to think about this,' is what came out of my mouth.  He switched my bc to yet another one to see in the meantime.

"Oh, one more question," I said as he was walking out the door 45 seconds after he came in.  "I have this bump sticking out of my lower left side, right by my hip bone and it's really starting to hurt, could you maybe look at it and tell me what it is?'  Over his shoulder he said, 'sounds like a hernia. I'll refer you to a surgeon.' Wouldn't look at it. Wouldn't touch it.  He just left.  mmmkay. 

The nurse came in after that with an order to do an ultrasound on my endo.  News to me but okay - I've had that pleasure many a time by now.

So - a week later the ultrasound was done (those ultrasounds deserve their own relaxing morphine cocktail as part of the procedure, in my opinion).  a week after that I had another lovely appt at which I had pleaded my old doc's office to forward the records to this guy one more time.  I show up - his nurse says until they have no records there is nothing to be done so we'll have to cancel.  I asked if we could at least talk about the ultrasound.  He walks in, looks at me, and then just walks out.  kay.  He comes back and says, 'ready for your shot?' "I think I'm gonna pass, actually, there are just too many risks and side effects.'  'Well, you do need a fertility doctor, anyway - I don't treat endo.'  Okay, um, not really trying to get pregnant.  "If you ever want to get pregnant, you need to start with one now to maintain fertility."  Oh just get me out of here. 

"Oh, how was that ultrasound, by the way,' I asked.  'Normal. Completly normal'  No surprise to me since all of mine have been normal which took so blasted long to diagnose the thing - with an exploratory little operation.  I asked him if he could look at that knot on my lower side that really has been hurting.  "It's a hernia,' he replies back, not even looking in that direction, not wanting to examine it.  "What did the ultrasound say it was?' "Oh, they said it was a swollen lymph node but I'm telling you, it's a hernia."

I left. With my referral to my hernia surgeon and fertility doctor (you should see some of the questions I have to answer, or really can't answer on that guy's questionnaire). 


We'll keep trying.  Maybe a shaman, at this point?




ps - dragged myself to hernia doc this morning - oh this guy was too cute! Little old japanese guy who I just wanted to hug. He really was just precious.  He looked at it, felt it and after 5 seconds said, 'this is not a hernia, not even close. just a swollen lymph node.' Followed by, 'your ob/gyn should really know the difference.'  Yup. he should. 

YAY FOR NO HERNIA!

9/11

http://landing.newsinc.com/shared/video.html?freewheel=90051&sitesection=nydailynews&VID=23802964

Another one

 



Tonight I watched Machine Gun Preacher - a movie about an ex-con who finds Jesus and builds an orphanage in the Sudan.  It was heartbreaking to be reminded about what they are going through over there, right now - in this very day and age.  I still can't get the faces of those beautiful children out of my head - hope I never do.



Why do those so much better than I suffer so much worse?

 

Motusi - one of my favorite kiddos in this whole wide world.

Botswana, 2007.



Blendtec

Have you seen these things?? I want one like its Christmas morning. I have long felt that nutrition, or my lack thereof, is playing a huge role in my illness. A few years back, I even went on this crazy homeopathic diet where I only ate meat and vegetables for 7 months. Didn't work.

Anyway, I bought a juicer a couple of years ago thinking this would solve my problems by juicing all of the stuff I knew I would never chew. The problem - juicing takes quite a bit of energy. Everyday I lay in bed and think about what I will juice that day. Then I waddle upstairs, look at the thing and think about all of the time and energy it is going to take to do such, my head starts spinning and then I get back in bed.

Blendtecs don't have any prep work needed and no clean up... You can even make ice cream or soup in those things in like 2 minutes. It even heats the soup up for you. I am like an infomercial but my cousins rave about theirs and how much better they eat since having them.

New life. New town. New relationship to food. New way of eating.

What camera thing can I sell to buy one of these babies?

Tv

I needed to FTP transfer a bunch of files tonight from my lab to my computer and since we can now get a few channels I figured I would turn the TV on. Wow. 4 hours flew by, I got nothing done, couldn't think straight, and finally turned off that blasted thing wondering how in Earth I had gone so long addicted to that thing. Others handle it in moderation just fine- me, it paralyzes. All summer without one was great, I think I'll take a fall without one, too.

McCall



I've always said McCall is medicine. It truly is. I've been coming to this blessed place since I was a little girl and despite having been fortunate to travel the World, it still knocks my socks off every time I come. It is just that beautiful.

To many, Hawaii is their paradise, the place where they go and swear they've never seen a place more beautiful. To me, Hawaii sure is pretty, but it is also quite touristy, quite busy, quite expensive, etc. It's gorgeous, but it's not my absolute paradise. My haven involves mountains, aspen trees, lakes, deserted woods, and quiet, quiet, quiet. My heaven is McCall.

Every August, the last week to be exact, I find myself in this place. I look forward to it all year, knowing that will mean another summer is done with, my wonderful fall is just around the corner, and I made it another year with this nonsense (I became sick the last week of August 2006).. It's my little anniversary party to myself, and I look back at all that has happened since my last visit to this place, and look forward to what I've planned until the next time I will see it. Oh the plans I have in store for the time between McCall 2012 and McCall 2013.

I sat on the dock tonight, pitch black outside with millions of stars, toes dipped in the perfectly cool water, and didn't feel sick. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't but the important thing is that my suffering was a far second to the first thing on my mind. I was reaffirmed that there is a God and that He is the creator of this beautiful Earth. I felt of His love, His encouragement, and His joy for me. I felt assured of His plan for His children, His plan for me, His path that he is leading me down and the light that awaits me at the end.



As sad as I am to leave this place tomorrow, I'm also ready - I'm excited for the HUGE changes that are coming in the next 6 weeks and experiences that await me. They are happy ones, they are challenging ones, they are the right ones.

Yea for a happy year ahead!