getting there



Sorry for the absence, friends - still under it.  Every day is getting better, though! I just need my face to get all back together again. And my eyes to close again.  Baby steps!

Pain



I'm writing you from a place of pain.  Pain is something that kind of intrigues me and for tonight, I'm referring only to physical pain. There has to be a purpose to it, or else it wouldn't exist.  Few things have more power over us, too - the minute it comes, the toughest of person will buckle to it.

Right now, I am in pain.  So much pain that I want to literally put my fist through a wall to express just how bad it is.  Is it the worst I've had? No.  The worst ever felt by a human? Nowhere close.  Can I curl up in bed and moan and cry, already done.  I've called every family member and cried, mumbled, complained and extracted as much sympathy at possible but at the end of it all, this pain is mine and I alone must confront it.  I'm working with it, I rolling with it, I writing with it.  I'm trying to push through it and wait it out.

maybe this is why some things hurt



My first thought? Pills!  Glorious, gleaming, sparkling, shiny little beings that just make it all go away.  (yes, I realize a problem could easily brew here).  So I tried that.  Three hours ago.  No dice.  Now what.  It doesn't surprise me, though, that the most common response to pain is, 'FLEE!'  This, 'why do i hurt i don't need to hurt i want the pain gone i can't handle it make it go away now' thing. What happens when that isn't an option?  I think a change of attitude must come, then.  An, 'it's going to hurt so let me steady myself for it, let me take it minute by minute, I am strong enough for it, it will eventually go away, let me confront it head on and just accept its presence' thing.

Anyone who knows me knows that the topic of childbirth is another one that peaks my interest.  I think perhaps because it involves this undeniable pain and how people of all kinds have to address it, confront it, run from it, accept it, etc.*  How on earth can mai 95lb pet give birth naturally to a nearly 8 lb baby.  How was she able to hang in there and ride the waves of it? Midwives - hey blow my mind.  How they deal with so much pain and are able to talk women down from absolute panic and terror amazes me.  Do they cry with them? No.  - but this is a topic for another day.

This is just the dialogue in my head tonight.  I'll be just fine.  That's the thing about pain, just as quickly as it comes, it heads right on out, leaving very little memory of it behind.

*on this semi-soapbox, I in no way claim to have felt a contraction of my own and knowing that, relinquish to the fact that I may in fact choose, and deserve, an epidural of my own one day.

this made me happy

 

this impresses me more than any mansion or fancy job title ever could.  oh the stories of love, patience, tolerance, acceptance and joy I bet these two could tell.

 

Connecticut Couple Honored as 'Longest Married' in U.S.

 

 

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/connecticut-couple-honored-longest-married-u-205715329--abc-news-topstories.html

A Connecticut couple who tied the knot over 80 years ago will be named the longest married couple in the U.S.

John and Ann Betar of Fairfield, Conn., said "I do" on Nov. 25, 1932, and have been happily married for 80 years. Together they have five children, 14 grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren.

The couple was selected for the 2013 award by Worldwide Marriage Encounter, a Christian marriage enrichment group based in San Bernardino, Calif., that organizes a search each year to promote the virtues of lasting marriages and inspire young couples.

"What an inspiration Mr. and Mrs. Betar are to all of us. They made a commitment to each other 80-plus years ago and they have kept that commitment over these many years. They truly are a sign of hope to us all," Worldwide Marriage Encounter's Ron and Judy Pekny said in a statement.

An award ceremony will take place on Saturday at the Fairfield, Conn., home of one of the Betars' granddaughters, Heather Mitchell.

Before their 80th wedding anniversary in November, John and Ann Betar told ABC News that they considered themselves "blessed."

"We are very fortunate. It can be repeated and repeated," Ann, 97, said at the time. "It is unconditional love and understanding. We have had that. We consider it a blessing."
Though the couple is hesitant to give out marriage advice, their secret to so many happy years together is simple: compromise and don't hold a grudge.
John, 101, met Ann, now 97, while growing up in the same Syrian community in Bridgeport, Conn. Breaking with tradition, Ann defied her parents when they set up an arranged marriage for her. She ran off to Harrison, N.Y. to elope with John. Now, she says she knows she made the right choice.
The Betars said they delight in the newer generations of their family, and their descendants return the compliment.
"I'm always blown away by their incredible optimism, deep sense of compassion and modesty," granddaughter Heather Mitchell said before their anniversary. "They are true beacons - inspirational people who emit such joy without even knowing it."

The Betars were chosen out of hundreds of couples nominated during the project's submission period, which ran from October of last year to January. There may be other couples who have been married longer in the U.S., but none was formally nominated, according to the group.

I survived!

okay, so that last one got a little self-pitying.  Today I had my stitches out and my jaw freeed! Hallelujah, free at last.  It is amazing what not eating out of a syringe can do for the soul.  Most of the hospital memories are waning, and I once we get my eyes to close on their own (small, technical problem), we should be good to go. It is over.  And, I might add, the number on the scale being four pounds lower than it was last week might be trying to compensate for the pain. 

In pain

'In your patience, possess ye your souls.'

Luke 21:19

Mama is having some work done

Hmmm, if I were to have some work done what would would it be? Arms, I'd get my arms slimmed out, always wanted skinny arms.

Sadly, this is not cosmetic. I'm getting a metal jaw on Wednesday. Or metal joints that cushion the jaw. Who knows. We replaced the original joints with new ones made out of my ears about 18 months ago. That surgery has a 95% success rate, yet you know me and odds. Besides being completely scared out of my mind tonight and using Tim Riggins on replay to calm my fears, I can't help but sit and be grateful for a nice hospital to get to go to and good doctors to take care of me; too many do not have the same. Wish me luck!

Does this mean I'm going to beep in airports?

M's vs N's

It always amazes me the vast difference between md's and alternative docs (nd's). Md's look at my lab work and see nothing wrong and send me off for yet another psych eval, which I luckily pass (I'm not crazy M'Lynn). Well, not crazy enough, I guess.

Today I entered the World of alternative medicine, again. Back in 2008, out of sheer desperation, I spent a year with an overly zealous guy who starved me, earth-drugged me, and took thousands of dollars I barely had. He kind if reminded me of a cult leader, and with the 40 pills daily of each herb he had me swallowing, I thought he might be overdoing it.

Alternative medicine has always been in the back of my head though, as I've realized that western medicine, be it as advanced as it is, can do nothing for me but get my hopes up and then label me a head case. You could say I'm just not sick enough for it.

I skeptically went to a homeopath recommended to me by a bishop whose wife was near death and found relief with. She sat down, heard my story, looked at my labs, and declared me half dead. The same labs that the docs declared were just fine showed huge red flags to her. Then the weird symptoms I described made her eyes bulge (ie: 15 cavities since I've been sick....15 people....and I don't eat candy or drink soda), the crazy seizure like episodes that would put me in the back of ambulances in the early days, the 60/35 blood pressure, etc. All of these things that I bring up to md after md and they just shrug their shoulders and up my happy
pills (anger issues with the docs, much?)

So here we go, taking the herbs, the potions, the tonics, the really big bills again. I will say how
impressed I was with the sheer knowledge of this woman, how each problem affected each system, etc. 'Wow,' I thought, 'she really gets it.'
So here's to old hope again, may it one day align with the Lord's timing
and make me whole again. (and less angry with medical professionals).