'In your patience, possess ye your souls.'
Luke 21:19
Monday, January 28, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Mama is having some work done
Hmmm, if I were to have some work done what would would it be? Arms, I'd get my arms slimmed out, always wanted skinny arms.
Sadly, this is not cosmetic. I'm getting a metal jaw on Wednesday. Or metal joints that cushion the jaw. Who knows. We replaced the original joints with new ones made out of my ears about 18 months ago. That surgery has a 95% success rate, yet you know me and odds. Besides being completely scared out of my mind tonight and using Tim Riggins on replay to calm my fears, I can't help but sit and be grateful for a nice hospital to get to go to and good doctors to take care of me; too many do not have the same. Wish me luck!
Does this mean I'm going to beep in airports?
Sadly, this is not cosmetic. I'm getting a metal jaw on Wednesday. Or metal joints that cushion the jaw. Who knows. We replaced the original joints with new ones made out of my ears about 18 months ago. That surgery has a 95% success rate, yet you know me and odds. Besides being completely scared out of my mind tonight and using Tim Riggins on replay to calm my fears, I can't help but sit and be grateful for a nice hospital to get to go to and good doctors to take care of me; too many do not have the same. Wish me luck!
Does this mean I'm going to beep in airports?
Thursday, January 10, 2013
M's vs N's
It always amazes me the vast difference between md's and alternative docs (nd's). Md's look at my lab work and see nothing wrong and send me off for yet another psych eval, which I luckily pass (I'm not crazy M'Lynn). Well, not crazy enough, I guess.
Today I entered the World of alternative medicine, again. Back in 2008, out of sheer desperation, I spent a year with an overly zealous guy who starved me, earth-drugged me, and took thousands of dollars I barely had. He kind if reminded me of a cult leader, and with the 40 pills daily of each herb he had me swallowing, I thought he might be overdoing it.
Alternative medicine has always been in the back of my head though, as I've realized that western medicine, be it as advanced as it is, can do nothing for me but get my hopes up and then label me a head case. You could say I'm just not sick enough for it.
I skeptically went to a homeopath recommended to me by a bishop whose wife was near death and found relief with. She sat down, heard my story, looked at my labs, and declared me half dead. The same labs that the docs declared were just fine showed huge red flags to her. Then the weird symptoms I described made her eyes bulge (ie: 15 cavities since I've been sick....15 people....and I don't eat candy or drink soda), the crazy seizure like episodes that would put me in the back of ambulances in the early days, the 60/35 blood pressure, etc. All of these things that I bring up to md after md and they just shrug their shoulders and up my happy
pills (anger issues with the docs, much?)
So here we go, taking the herbs, the potions, the tonics, the really big bills again. I will say how
impressed I was with the sheer knowledge of this woman, how each problem affected each system, etc. 'Wow,' I thought, 'she really gets it.'
So here's to old hope again, may it one day align with the Lord's timing
and make me whole again. (and less angry with medical professionals).
Today I entered the World of alternative medicine, again. Back in 2008, out of sheer desperation, I spent a year with an overly zealous guy who starved me, earth-drugged me, and took thousands of dollars I barely had. He kind if reminded me of a cult leader, and with the 40 pills daily of each herb he had me swallowing, I thought he might be overdoing it.
Alternative medicine has always been in the back of my head though, as I've realized that western medicine, be it as advanced as it is, can do nothing for me but get my hopes up and then label me a head case. You could say I'm just not sick enough for it.
I skeptically went to a homeopath recommended to me by a bishop whose wife was near death and found relief with. She sat down, heard my story, looked at my labs, and declared me half dead. The same labs that the docs declared were just fine showed huge red flags to her. Then the weird symptoms I described made her eyes bulge (ie: 15 cavities since I've been sick....15 people....and I don't eat candy or drink soda), the crazy seizure like episodes that would put me in the back of ambulances in the early days, the 60/35 blood pressure, etc. All of these things that I bring up to md after md and they just shrug their shoulders and up my happy
pills (anger issues with the docs, much?)
So here we go, taking the herbs, the potions, the tonics, the really big bills again. I will say how
impressed I was with the sheer knowledge of this woman, how each problem affected each system, etc. 'Wow,' I thought, 'she really gets it.'
So here's to old hope again, may it one day align with the Lord's timing
and make me whole again. (and less angry with medical professionals).
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
21 degrees.
21 degrees. Tonight, as I was driving towards the freeway, I saw a woman walking along the road in through the two feet of snow. She had bags hanging from each shoulder, and a bundle in her arms that looked to be a baby. I slowed the car, then I drove on. And I am sick over it.
At what point can you help your fellow man? It took everything I had to keep going. Common sense kept telling me, 'in this day and age, it's not safe,' or 'you are less than a mile from the state prison.' A single woman by herself late at night should not be picking up strangers off the road but people, 21 degrees. Bitter cold. And I let her walk away.
On my way home, 19 degrees now, I looked for her. There is a little pass under the bridge that she could have been hiding in, it would have blocked most of the wind. The snow was coming down, the roads were becoming icier by the minute, yet I knew I should stop and look for her. Crazy, but true. Did I? No, I hesitantly pulled into the driveway and stopped, giving myself 'not safe' excuse after 'i'm sick' excuse to go in. And I did. I'm warm, I'm full, I'm safe. When is it right to put others first and when is it wrong? When am I being ridiculous and when am I being selfish?
Do I sound insane?
This isn't selflessness; this is how far I am from being able to define this line.
At what point can you help your fellow man? It took everything I had to keep going. Common sense kept telling me, 'in this day and age, it's not safe,' or 'you are less than a mile from the state prison.' A single woman by herself late at night should not be picking up strangers off the road but people, 21 degrees. Bitter cold. And I let her walk away.
On my way home, 19 degrees now, I looked for her. There is a little pass under the bridge that she could have been hiding in, it would have blocked most of the wind. The snow was coming down, the roads were becoming icier by the minute, yet I knew I should stop and look for her. Crazy, but true. Did I? No, I hesitantly pulled into the driveway and stopped, giving myself 'not safe' excuse after 'i'm sick' excuse to go in. And I did. I'm warm, I'm full, I'm safe. When is it right to put others first and when is it wrong? When am I being ridiculous and when am I being selfish?
Do I sound insane?
This isn't selflessness; this is how far I am from being able to define this line.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Jesus Breads
Seeing as it is the birthday of our lord and savior this month, I consciously decided to give Him a true gift this year.
For Him, I gave up my Jesus breads. What is a jesus bread, you might ask? They are braided, jam filled loaves of bread shaped to look like a candy cane, then drizzeled in icing and cherries. Papa Tarrant, a dear man, says he always thought they were in the shape of of a 'J' for Jesus.
Every year, I INSIST that my Jesus breads are made and distributed - no exceptions. If you have been in the same town as I over xmas - you probably had one shoved in your face as I franctically ran back to the car to deliver 50 more. I was spreading Chrismas cheer, damnit!
This year, with 4 big shoots, a move across country, a new city, well, all of it, I just couldn't do it. I made a few down in Austin - the camera store people, etc - but by the time I made it up to Dallas, I. just. couldn't. Oh but don't you worry I still willfully tried, I bought 5 loaves of bread dough (people, not even ole' wonderwoman made that dough from scratch), thawed it out, braided them, and yeah then... I collapsed. dropped. BUT MY BREADS!!! If you don't bake them a few hours after you make them they rise too much and you must stand by the oven because they burn so fast. A few made it to the oven AT 2 AM and then I just couldn't do it anymore. All but one burned and it being Sunday morning and my flight to Salt Lake leaving at 6 am Monday morning, well - it was either go to the store and start all over or JUST LET IT GO (if I were to ever get a tattoo, that would be it).
But what about that neighbor across the street from my dad's house that (whose name I don't even know) who claims she waits all year for that bread to come to her door? Or those friends of mine who only live 90 miles away but get the Jesus breads every year?? Or that sweet lady who took such good care of my grandma before she died. Or that rabbi. Or the owners of that dog rescue. Or the lady who is going to take care of that puppy mill dog I was watching for 2 days who broke her leg in the backyard and now has to be crated for 2 months at her house? yada yada yada.
Then as I was kneeling down and realizing that I was asking the good Lord to help me get my Jesus breads done in time, I stopped, thought, and then asked, 'what can I do for you to honor your birthday?' The response was quick, 'for my birthday, let it go.' Now there are MANY things that was being mentioned but first and foremost (and this may sound ridiculous), the Jesus breads.
Instead of going to the store on Sunday and working to near exhaustion to remake these blasted things all day, I let them go. I let them go and I went to church and I thanked Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for love and glory, and for the lessons they are trying to teach me. And reteach me.
ps - Papa Tarrant got the only one that didn't burn. Although he lives an hour away. sigh.
For Him, I gave up my Jesus breads. What is a jesus bread, you might ask? They are braided, jam filled loaves of bread shaped to look like a candy cane, then drizzeled in icing and cherries. Papa Tarrant, a dear man, says he always thought they were in the shape of of a 'J' for Jesus.
Every year, I INSIST that my Jesus breads are made and distributed - no exceptions. If you have been in the same town as I over xmas - you probably had one shoved in your face as I franctically ran back to the car to deliver 50 more. I was spreading Chrismas cheer, damnit!
This year, with 4 big shoots, a move across country, a new city, well, all of it, I just couldn't do it. I made a few down in Austin - the camera store people, etc - but by the time I made it up to Dallas, I. just. couldn't. Oh but don't you worry I still willfully tried, I bought 5 loaves of bread dough (people, not even ole' wonderwoman made that dough from scratch), thawed it out, braided them, and yeah then... I collapsed. dropped. BUT MY BREADS!!! If you don't bake them a few hours after you make them they rise too much and you must stand by the oven because they burn so fast. A few made it to the oven AT 2 AM and then I just couldn't do it anymore. All but one burned and it being Sunday morning and my flight to Salt Lake leaving at 6 am Monday morning, well - it was either go to the store and start all over or JUST LET IT GO (if I were to ever get a tattoo, that would be it).
But what about that neighbor across the street from my dad's house that (whose name I don't even know) who claims she waits all year for that bread to come to her door? Or those friends of mine who only live 90 miles away but get the Jesus breads every year?? Or that sweet lady who took such good care of my grandma before she died. Or that rabbi. Or the owners of that dog rescue. Or the lady who is going to take care of that puppy mill dog I was watching for 2 days who broke her leg in the backyard and now has to be crated for 2 months at her house? yada yada yada.
Then as I was kneeling down and realizing that I was asking the good Lord to help me get my Jesus breads done in time, I stopped, thought, and then asked, 'what can I do for you to honor your birthday?' The response was quick, 'for my birthday, let it go.' Now there are MANY things that was being mentioned but first and foremost (and this may sound ridiculous), the Jesus breads.
Instead of going to the store on Sunday and working to near exhaustion to remake these blasted things all day, I let them go. I let them go and I went to church and I thanked Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for love and glory, and for the lessons they are trying to teach me. And reteach me.
ps - Papa Tarrant got the only one that didn't burn. Although he lives an hour away. sigh.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
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