It's the cold, right? Is it the cold? Well, it was 80 degrees the other day, but it keeps dipping down in the 20's. I know, I know - such a wimp. Maybe not the weather? Who knows the reason, but I am blue! And I'm usually not, usually I can see around it pretty well these days...I must just getting tired of it all. It will be 8 years in this year, you would think I would be getting used to it, wouldn't you?
Today, however, marks the one year mark of my big jaw surgery, my big mistake surgery. I know I needed it - just did I need it that bad? And that soon? And with that doctor? Long story short, it didn't go well. A year later my jaw hurts a million times worse, my eye droops, and throughout the day it feels like I am getting shocked up down each side of my face - nerve pain, they tell me. Not the end of the World but it is getting old.
Every pain specialist, every neurologist, every neurosurgeon, every biofeedback specialist are kind of stooped. The surgeon claims his job was to open me up, put the implants in, and sew me back up - and since he did that, his job was done perfectly. He claims that he is not a pain specialist and therefore there is nothing more he can offer me - that is the pain doctor's job, now. Sugarbean, I have been to many of those and no luck so far. Last week I went in for nerve block #6, with no numbing or drugs this time (he said it wouldn't hurt that bad and they would stop when they hit the skull). Four pops right above my ear. It didn't work and made things worse which was quite discouraging but I have never been too confident that they have been finding the exact nerve to numb. I just keep feeling they are sticking huge rods and needles in my face kind of shooting in the dark. Oh how much practicing can often go into the actual practice of medicine. Doctors are not gods, doctors are not gods I keep telling myself. There definitely is a God, however, and for reasons unbeknownst (sp?) to me, there is a very real reason I need to experience this pain.
I never wanted this blog to just be a big cry fest - that does no one any good so now on to the positive. I went to see Dr. Stewart today, the chronic illness specialist who has sworn to cure me. He is a neurosurgeon by trade but got so tired of cutting people up with no success when it came to chronically ill patients that he turned to science, and well, divine intervention. We chatted for over an hour today, something nearly unheard of these days, and we are going to try some new things. They have had some breakthroughs with research and as crazy as it sounds, I may be shipping some vials of injectables in from Belgium. Sounds nuts but I had a really good feeling about it. Rolling papers might be next, I tell ya.
Anyway, back to the neurosurgeon part. He could not believe the attempts that have been made by others on my poor little body - all on the wrong nerves, all the wrong ways. He marched off and came back with with two realllllly long needles. Both in the back of the skull on each side of my spine. It actually didn't hurt that bad (trying having them in your cheeks and hitting the back of the skull), We shall see if it helps, we shall see. Bottom line...there is always hope, isn't there. I think hope might be one of my favorite words these days, actually.
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