Today I made pancakes.

Today I made pancakes.  As in, that is all I did.  The whole day.  I had had a busy couple of days, made a quick trip up to Dallas and back, and there really wasn't anything that absolutely had to be done, and man, I was craving pancakes.

I woke up around 11, deliriously exhausted and wondering what on Earth I had been doing for the previous 10 hours while I thought I had been sleeping (running around holding a desk over my head?), forced my head off the pillow and needed.pumpkin.pancakes.

With recipe pulled up on my phone, I walked into the kitchen and just stood.  This happens often, I miss home cooked meals and always have grand plans to cook them but the minute I am in the kitchen, my head starts to spin and I realize I have nowhere near enough energy to pull it off. I then slap peanut butter on a piece of bread and go lie down.

Not today, today was the day of pancakes and if it was the only thing I was going to do, it would be the making of these pancakes (from scratch, I might add).  I did just that, making an enormous mess yet fully enjoying my finished product.  I walked back to bed and collapsed, my day's work done.  I fell back asleep and didn't wake up until after dark.

Some days will just be like this.  And it sucks.  I think about all of the things that can be accomplished in a day, getting hitched, having babies, working, traveling, all that I used to accomplish in a day - running 10 miles, working 12 hours, etc, and I feel guilty for my wasted day of rest.  Many think that bed rest is a dream come true, 'oh the books I could read! the movies I could watch! the sleep I could get!  Actually, it is miserable, lonely and depressing.  After a day in bed, you feel ten times worse about yourself and your life than you ever should - but for that day, all that you needed to accomplish, you did.  Where did we get this notion that if we didn't work ourselves to the bone we didn't earn the right to take a day off?

You just have to let these days happen, and move on - thinking about all the things you can do once you are well, realizing in order for that to happen the bed rest must come first.