Pain



I'm writing you from a place of pain.  Pain is something that kind of intrigues me and for tonight, I'm referring only to physical pain. There has to be a purpose to it, or else it wouldn't exist.  Few things have more power over us, too - the minute it comes, the toughest of person will buckle to it.

Right now, I am in pain.  So much pain that I want to literally put my fist through a wall to express just how bad it is.  Is it the worst I've had? No.  The worst ever felt by a human? Nowhere close.  Can I curl up in bed and moan and cry, already done.  I've called every family member and cried, mumbled, complained and extracted as much sympathy at possible but at the end of it all, this pain is mine and I alone must confront it.  I'm working with it, I rolling with it, I writing with it.  I'm trying to push through it and wait it out.

maybe this is why some things hurt



My first thought? Pills!  Glorious, gleaming, sparkling, shiny little beings that just make it all go away.  (yes, I realize a problem could easily brew here).  So I tried that.  Three hours ago.  No dice.  Now what.  It doesn't surprise me, though, that the most common response to pain is, 'FLEE!'  This, 'why do i hurt i don't need to hurt i want the pain gone i can't handle it make it go away now' thing. What happens when that isn't an option?  I think a change of attitude must come, then.  An, 'it's going to hurt so let me steady myself for it, let me take it minute by minute, I am strong enough for it, it will eventually go away, let me confront it head on and just accept its presence' thing.

Anyone who knows me knows that the topic of childbirth is another one that peaks my interest.  I think perhaps because it involves this undeniable pain and how people of all kinds have to address it, confront it, run from it, accept it, etc.*  How on earth can mai 95lb pet give birth naturally to a nearly 8 lb baby.  How was she able to hang in there and ride the waves of it? Midwives - hey blow my mind.  How they deal with so much pain and are able to talk women down from absolute panic and terror amazes me.  Do they cry with them? No.  - but this is a topic for another day.

This is just the dialogue in my head tonight.  I'll be just fine.  That's the thing about pain, just as quickly as it comes, it heads right on out, leaving very little memory of it behind.

*on this semi-soapbox, I in no way claim to have felt a contraction of my own and knowing that, relinquish to the fact that I may in fact choose, and deserve, an epidural of my own one day.