For Him, I gave up my Jesus breads. What is a jesus bread, you might ask? They are braided, jam filled loaves of bread shaped to look like a candy cane, then drizzeled in icing and cherries. Papa Tarrant, a dear man, says he always thought they were in the shape of of a 'J' for Jesus.
Every year, I INSIST that my Jesus breads are made and distributed - no exceptions. If you have been in the same town as I over xmas - you probably had one shoved in your face as I franctically ran back to the car to deliver 50 more. I was spreading Chrismas cheer, damnit!
This year, with 4 big shoots, a move across country, a new city, well, all of it, I just couldn't do it. I made a few down in Austin - the camera store people, etc - but by the time I made it up to Dallas, I. just. couldn't. Oh but don't you worry I still willfully tried, I bought 5 loaves of bread dough (people, not even ole' wonderwoman made that dough from scratch), thawed it out, braided them, and yeah then... I collapsed. dropped. BUT MY BREADS!!! If you don't bake them a few hours after you make them they rise too much and you must stand by the oven because they burn so fast. A few made it to the oven AT 2 AM and then I just couldn't do it anymore. All but one burned and it being Sunday morning and my flight to Salt Lake leaving at 6 am Monday morning, well - it was either go to the store and start all over or JUST LET IT GO (if I were to ever get a tattoo, that would be it).
But what about that neighbor across the street from my dad's house that (whose name I don't even know) who claims she waits all year for that bread to come to her door? Or those friends of mine who only live 90 miles away but get the Jesus breads every year?? Or that sweet lady who took such good care of my grandma before she died. Or that rabbi. Or the owners of that dog rescue. Or the lady who is going to take care of that puppy mill dog I was watching for 2 days who broke her leg in the backyard and now has to be crated for 2 months at her house? yada yada yada.
Then as I was kneeling down and realizing that I was asking the good Lord to help me get my Jesus breads done in time, I stopped, thought, and then asked, 'what can I do for you to honor your birthday?' The response was quick, 'for my birthday, let it go.' Now there are MANY things that was being mentioned but first and foremost (and this may sound ridiculous), the Jesus breads.
Instead of going to the store on Sunday and working to near exhaustion to remake these blasted things all day, I let them go. I let them go and I went to church and I thanked Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for love and glory, and for the lessons they are trying to teach me. And reteach me.
ps - Papa Tarrant got the only one that didn't burn. Although he lives an hour away. sigh.
My dear Texas, next year, please don't even get started--just skip the bread for goodness sake. You can always write people little notes of appreciation any time throughout the year that you have a moment, so that you don't kill yourself trying to thank everyone who has ever done anything nice for you all in one day. I agree with your epiphany: this kind of thing is not what Jesus expects. Do not run faster than you have strength.
ReplyDelete