progress

I was talking to my bishop today, introducing myself and telling him a little bit about me.  It took a while and I thought, 'oh - he will need to know you are sick.'  As in, it wasn't my first thought about myself - as in, there was more to me in my mind than that.  People, that's huge. 

Am I feeling better?  not a lick.  Blood pressure was 78/40 tonight and I am a mess.  Twenty minutes later it was 156/135.  I dare say that is not normal?  My dad kept telling me to go to the er - for what - more degrading judgment. I'll pass.  They will just hype me up on drugs to regulate it and tell me to check with my primary care physician for further treatment (you mean the one that said, 'I don't do blood pressure')? Instead, I am going to sit in my home and be happy. 

You have no idea how wonderful it is to say 'my home.'  I don't own it, can barely half of rent it, but baby - it's mine.  For the last six years, I have felt like such a burden, such a 14 year old burden, that is. My friends have all moved on in life, hitching, hatching, homeowning, as they should - I was not able to progress with them, however (and that's okay! my goodness I am blessed).

Sleeping in other people's homes, eating their food, running their a/c, feeling like a high school drop out with no motivation to get off of the couch was quite hard.  Oh the guilt.  Yeah, yeah - I had my reasons for living with the folks, and I will be forever grateful to them for being so supportive and understanding through all of this, but it is so wonderful to be out in the World, just making it.  There come's a time, that you just need to feel like a normal person, a human being with a little part of the Earth of their own.

My bishop asked me how I am doing in learning the lessons the Lord surely has in store for me through this trial.  I'm really getting there, Austin just may be my medicine after all.