Can I tell you a secret?  sure.  you don't mind. I ran away this past weekend.  on purpose.  I have really been wanting to get down to Austin once before I left for Utah this summer. I did.  I didn't plan it, and I certainly didn't announce it.  This is the problem when you want people to respect to your new limits, they seem to blow up when you occasionally find it necessary to push them.  See!  If you can do that that one time you can certainly do everything else you used to do! Empathy ends now.

It is a vicious cycle - I find myself keeping my outings a secret so as to not inherit judgment for when I need to stay in, for when I almost always need to stay in.  My scale, my internal balance, is mine alone and I'm realizing that no one could ever possibly see it as I do. I think that is true for everyone, though, and we need to learn to trust each other on that one.

Anyhoo - I woke up Saturday (eh, about 10 actually) settled Woodrow with my dad and got in the car.  Can I really be doing this, I kept asking myself. Am I up for this?  No - I wasn't - but I know that I will never be up for anything I want to do and as long as I am not having a really sick day, I am going to have to pick my battles very carefully and only pay for those things that are really important (and oh how I am paying today).  Was the price worth it? YES!  As I was just heading into Austin, there was the most beautiful clouds with sun popping out and I just felt pure joy.  It all felt right again. Yup, this decision, this really scary as hell and hard decision was a right one. 

I hit a few bridal shops and florists, dropped of some business cards and brochures, talked about possible collaborations in the fall, and headed into a record shop to sell some vinyl (i'm purging people and my grandma's Hello Dolly just isn't me).  I walked into Antones, talked to the nicest hippy man for quite some time about my move and our mutual stickin it to the man...thing.  He had no teeth, little money, but was one of the happiest people I had met in a while.  Hell, even the kid at whataburger was precious.  After a few cokes and nearing the point of where I shouldn't be driving anymore I headed west - oh to blessed west Austin, home of my aunt and uncles house. California, west Austin reminds me so much of California. We had a nice dinner and I crashed, no computer to keep me up, no project to distract me, just wonderful sleep  (woodrow free sleep).

I woke up the next morning (that was a hard one) and headed downtown to check out the singles ward.  First clue - they met at the UT institute building.  Young singles ward.  I walked in and noticed a few things right away. Small.  Not a big group. Everyone knows everyone else and well.  Young, most were students and in that whole...phase.  Progressive.  Chicks wearing jeans (hey, at least they are there....good for them).  Happy. I walked into the room and just felt really happy.  It was right, it was right.

Many of you don't know but my life almost started in Austin 12 years ago.  UT was my number 2 school - the one I was going to if I didn't get into BYU.  Somehow, and completely to my shock, I got in and headed to that big blue school in the mountains.  And I'm glad I did.  I met so many wonderful people there.  And some crazy cougars but hey, you win some and lose some. I wonder how different my life would have been had I headed to Austin then, had I headed south on I-35 TOO EARLY.  Let's see how round 2 goes.